As your days are getting longer, sun getting stronger, the opposite is happening here for me in New Zealand. Silly time to go, you might say, but the way I see it is: I need money, I don’t wanna work over the summer and I’ve got a 6 month job offer on the southern hemisphere. Makes sence to me. Lets see where this journey takes me, it started off with a 25 hour plane ride. Not all in one go, of course.
The route went from London – Los Angeles – Auckland – Christchurch. The flight over to America was really weird. It was an 11 hour flight, so I tried to get some sleep, but going west, we were chasing the sun and when it was 2 in the morning my time it looked like midday outside. I wriggled about trying to get my massive body comfortable lying over two seats, but I’m just to big for that. I didn’t get any sleep that flight so when I land in LA, about 4 o’clock my time, the sun is just setting and I am exhausted.
I follow the signs to passport control and join the line saying ‘visitors’ .. makes me feel like an alien. The worst part about flying, for me, is the airports. I hate waiting in line, slowly being herded along like I’m a piece of cattle waiting to get milked. So, I’m waiting in line to get my titties squeezed by the man, so I can go out and play in the pasture. I’m waiting a good 20 minutes and I only have a hour and a half to change, but the gate opens in 45 minute and I have no idea the size of this airport. Big, I assume, being America; the land of the supersize. So I’m in a panic and get out of line to ask someone in charge if I can cut the que. He doesn’t seem to know anything and asks one of virgin airline air hostesses if she can help, but of course she has no power this side of the plane.
‘Look, I’m gonna be honest, I don’t think you’re gonna make that flight’
‘Really?! There’s the potential for 8 guys up there checking passports when there are only 3’
‘It looks to me it’s gonna take at least an hour to get through customs, you better go find your place back in the que, you don’t wanna start from the back’
Fucking great! I find my way back in line and express my frustration and worry to my fellow passengers and they let me cut to the front. So I’m getting my passport checked. And finger prints taken! And probably retinas scanned from the picture they took!! I don’t have time to kick up a fuss about the complete invasion of privacy and just accept it with a clenched jaw. I grab my bag and rush through to get caught in another line questioning you on the contents of your bag. Thankfully this one moves quickly and I say frantically to the man up front ‘I have 2 tubes of caviar and a jar of jam I have another flight to catch in 45 minutes so if that’s a problem I can just chuck it now’ He lets me through without too much fuss.
I then pass a load of smiling Americans holding signs ready to greet their loved ones and I give them a look of slightly pissed off, frantic worry and confusion. I’m out of arrivals and try and find the departure I need, asking anyone in uniform on the way, thinking they might be helpful. I find my way to the right building, somehow in my sleep deprived, highly stressed state, with little help from the locals and ask one of the staff inside where I go to get through security and she points me back outside! I then asks a guy out there who says she’s completly wrong and points me to the right place. I then show my boarding pass to someone who also tries to send me to a wrong place, because he thinks it a different air line so I pull out my printed ticket and prove him wrong and go through. Fucking stupid Americans!
I get through security comparatively fast and get to my gate with about 20 minutes to spare. Ahh panic over. I probably shouldn’t judge America on this small, super unpleasant experience, but I don’t plan to go back there anytime soon and this experience just proved my opinion right. They’re all fucking clueless… ok maybe not all, I don’t wanna be racist, but most.. To be honest the general population of most countries are clueless, because that’s the way their government want them to be, but lets not get into that now.
So the next flight is another long one, 13 hours and as we’re being boarded I’m sitting alone on a row of three seats crossing my fingers and holding my thumb that no one sits next to me. And they don’t 🙂 I get the closest thing to a bed I could possibly get and take advantage of it. I get, in total, about 6 hours of shut eye. This flight was the opposite from the first one as we’re chasing the night and it stays dark the entire 13 hours.
The pilot says his goodbyes and finishes by saying something in Maori. I get off, relatively well rested, about 6 o’clock local time in Auckland. The walk through customs and out on to departures was bloody lovely! There’s two languages on the signs; English and Maui and I go under this beautiful carved archway, honoring their countries Maori heritage. This gives me a real good feeling about this country and I feel ecstatic that I get to live here for 6 months.
The last flight is a short 1 hour flight down the north island to the south and as we fly over the mountain range I am in tears over their untouched beauty. I didn’t have my camera on me as we passed over the best looking ones, but I had to get out of my seat and get it out of my hand luggage to take some.